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| so. nox is dead, as of last thursday. this doesn't really get read, but whenever i want to check about when something happened, i come here, so i best document things like this.
who's gonna keep the kittens in line? who's gonna tell me which bowl is empty? or when the box needs cleaning?
who the hell's gonna be the smart one?
i miss him badly, although i think of it less, already. feels disloyal of me. i loved that cat. i loved him. can't believe he's gone, he was so big, i thought he'd be around for the longest. and then, so suddenly...
i had to "pull the trigger" more or less. that was always mom's job, for the two i was around for. i never had to make such a call before, i never had to deal with it myself. it was always "well, there was nothing to be done, so mom had him/her put to sleep"... not me, sitting there, having to decide. it sucks. it really did suck, that is. faced with this statement: "even with aggressive treatment he likely wouldn't make it. and if he did, there could be complications. and if there weren't, with him being so young, the chances of it happening again are (statistically) rather large." and the bill, for only the most initial treatment, of almost a thousand dollars? we wouldn't have that to fix our car or pay for school... i mean, we have exactly enough to pay bills, and it's usually quite close. so what the hell could i do? he's suffering, and i can't afford to try to fix him to begin with, much less pay for the 3-5 days in a animal hospital he'd need...
i still feel horrible, like i killed him myself. she said it wasn't preventable, said it wouldn't have been any cheaper if i'd brought him sooner, and that his chance of survival would've been only minimally better. but i still feel like i failed him.
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| last day of maymester. :) i'll be leaving soon for a final in 2.5 hours... >.> i don't know what to do just sitting here, and i want to make absolutely sure i'm not late, i guess.
starting next monday, i'll be gone until 3:10 every monday and wednesday, but have the rest of the week off. i'm pretty excited.
if you happen to be bored and in need of entertainment, go find some "literal version" music videos.
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| I just re-read the facebook conversation between me and tommy from when we first met. it never fails to make me smile. :)
unfortunately, this is not the time for smiling. i have a 5 page paper to write, 2 tests to study for, and we're going back to columbus tomorrow, on top of it all. :( there goes my weekend.
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| this has become something just to kill time...
at least it does that much :)
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| so for something lighthearted!
this apartment complex is noisy as hell. that, my friends, is because the walls are about as thick as a refrigerator box. that's right, a refrigerator box. and my curious self, i realize how much I can hear, and i wonder how other people think about us...
here's an example of a (few) sentence(s) i would say over the course of a normal evening: "I ding'ed again, too bad i'm still not 40... but i'm about out of milling and inscription i can do, so i really need to get a bit higher. i wonder if i should work on s.p or haste or what, i don't freakin' know but our dps is still almost 500 behind, with enchants. wonder if getting inscription up'll even help? whatever. i'm at least finding goldthorn here and there... anyway, we doing dtk or what?" ahh, world of warcraft.
i want to know, is that gibberish? if i imagine hearing it and not being a player, i imagine being confused as hell.
and then, if nobody hears or is phased by that... we watch subtitled anime. i guess that might not be odd to anyone, but it seems funny to me, as half the residents here speak a different language natively, but none of them would possibly speak japanese, so i wonder... i meaaaaaan... maybe nobody else has an idle mind like mine to sit and think of such things. but i know that i can hear everyone, and i wonder if they can hear us, and if they can, what they think.
it doesn't hurt that even our non-wow, non-anime conversation is an interesting combination of expressions and short-hand. i swear we don't use a single truly coherent sentence between us. if i say "may i?" he already knows what i want to do, whether it's change the channel, put on music, steal his remaining food, sit where he is (i like the corner of the couch...), whatever. and i guess that's sensible enough, as some of it can be highly situational. the fun part, then, is where i don't SAY a thing... so a person on the other side of the wall might think he's talking to himself all the time. my lazy ass doesn't bother to vocalize the question, i simply raise an eyebrow and tilt my head. i have an expression for almost anything i might say more than twice a day. i can't give specifics (that's one of my biggest problems, i can't ever give specifics, seems like), but i know that i use about 1/3 as many words as i could... i have it all shortened to expressions and short sounds.
note: this does not apply if i drink liquor. then i will verbalize every thought that flies through my head.
another thing that could possibly give an observant (read: nosy) nearby resident pause might be my music selection. one minute it's children of bodom screaming "now you've got something to die for, (repeat), (roar)," and the next it's something from sweeney todd, after that, it's probably some system of a down, possibly followed by pirates of penzance, some USE (united state of electronica), anime themes, awesome-ized versions of video game themes, big band/swing, various (and by tommy's thought, primarily annoying) techno, a few songs i know from work, random disney songs, and a good bit of celtic music.
maybe it's only me that would sit and wonder about the person on the other side of the wall, whose noise is so nonsensical... and if it is, that's just fine. but the same thing that would cause me to do that, is causing me to do this. :)
i have way too much fun thinking about nothing.
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